I was dreamin' about your record collection, and all of our scratched affection

Out of breath and out of cash, find yourself watching M.A.S.H., every night on the couch. Woman says let's take a drive down south, roll down the windows and open our mouths taste where we are and play the music loud. Stop the car, lay on the grass, the planets spin and we watch space pass.
~"So Much Beauty in Dirt" by Modest Mouse

So I was putting stuff on my iPod and about to hit the sack, when I started listening to Staind (and let's not make my at times questionable taste in music the point of this entry) and suddenly had a vivid memory of just about every time I ever listened to that particular Staind song. I pictured myself riding in the back of our old van on the way up to the lake, staring at the grey sky with a few rays of sun poking through, drops of rain clinging to the window. I pictured myself listening to it for the first time after Tim gave me a burned copy of the CD at school, and walking around Augsburg Park while it was pouring rain, and sitting at the library looking at the lyrics, and driving home from work at Taco Bell this past summer.

Living is easy when it's night
"If Things Were Perfect" by Moby

Songs, above everything else, carry so many memories with them, and can bring dozens of them to the front of my mind at one time. And nearly every song I've ever heard has at least one clear memory associated with it. "Brain Damage" by Pink Floyd reminds me of the spring/summer during and directly following my Freshman year, and how I started to get into Pink Floyd and a bunch of other music, and how much I liked Evelyn, and how I've seen her once since then. The same with Deadsy's "Commencement" album, as well as walking around Veteran's Park countless times while listening to it. Any music by Godspeed You! Black Emperor reminds me of any number of the following things, almost all of which involve driving:
-driving around with Tim after the end-of-school party at Jackie's house last year
-driving around with Michael on various nights
-driving around by myself after every cast party I showed up at last year, specifically driving backroads in Apple Valley and down 494 while they were doing construction, and being really, really depressed about Jackie
-driving out to Northfield a couple weeks ago with Ben and Brian, when it was pitch black and blisteringly cold (yes, blisteringly cold), and being completely strung out on sleeplessness and caffeine
-driving home from my first day of this semester at Normandale when I was really stressed out, cranking the music up as loud as it would go, and feeling the stress completely leave
-falling asleep/waking up in the middle of the night on the couch up at the lake and being scared out of my mind by the opening to "Antennas to Heaven"

And St. Cyril's fair always came through the first week of September
But it's already the 19th... and there's no sign of it...
Yet I have a hard time remembering all the things I should remember
And a hard time forgetting all the things that I was supposed to forget.
And, Christ, when You're ready to come back,
Then I think I'm ready for You to come back;
But if You want to stay wherever exactly it is You are,
That's okay, too... it's, it's really none of my business.
~"Carousels" - mewithoutYou

Ready for more? "Break the Cycle" by Staind reminds me of the summer after 8th grade, and how it seemed like almost everyone I knew either claimed to have an eating disorder or talked about wanting to commit suicide or was messed up in some other way, and feeling responsible to try and help everyone with their "problems", which in retrospect, were mostly (if not entirely) fake. It also reminds me of later that summer when I "dated" Amy for a week and she broke it off over some really retarted misunderstanding, because she is, to put it nicely, a bitch. Yes, that was putting it nicely.That same album reminds me of even later that summer, after the River Rush, when every single friend I had at church, apart from Alex, Regina, and Phil C. either hated me or refused to talk to me or help me out because they didn't want the people who hated me to hate them, and how that was also over a gigantic misunderstanding that I can honestly say was not my fault. Finally, it reminds me of that one day in the spring of last year when it was really cold out, and I brought my sister out to church for something or other. Then, it started to rain, and I drove down to Lake Nokomis and drove around it with the window down, crying my eyes out over... yeah, of course, a girl (this time, it was Jackie).

I was dressed for success
But success it never comes
And I'm the only one who laughs
At your jokes when they are so bad
And your jokes are always bad
But they're not as bad as this
~"Here" by Pavement

Just a few more, and then I've gotta get to bed. "Cosmic Cowboy" by Barry McGuire reminds me of driving out to some state park for the day in the middle of autumn with my dad when I was little. "Oh Comely" by Neutral Milk Hotel reminds me of flying into Minneapolis after spending a week in Mexico, and almost crying, half from sleep deprivation, half from the beauty of the city lights stretching out for miles. And for the last one I'll share, even though this is more for me than you, whoever you are, is also a flying one. Coldplay's "Parachutes" album reminds me, among other things, of flying into Minneapolis on the way home from Kosovo, and almost crying for a million and one reasons. That is one of the most beautiful memories I have. In case this actually interested you, feel free to ask me about any other song I've heard, and I'll be sure to bore you with all the personal significance it has to me. Alternately, you could tell me about songs that have personal meaning to you, since that would certainly be more fun for you, and I am such a big music nerd that I'm actually interested in hearing about stuff like that. And now, good night.

The hungry and the hanged
The damaged and the done
Striving 'long this spinning rock
Tumbling past the sun
Get through this life without killing anyone
And consider yourself golden

Lost a friend to cocaine
Couple friends to smack
Troubled hearts map deserts
And they rarely do come back
Lost a friend to oceans
Lost a friend to hills
Lost a friend to suicide
Lost a friend to pills
Lost a friend to monsters
Lost a friend to shame
Lost a friend to marriage
Lost a friend to blame
Lost a friend to worry
And lost a friend to wealth
Lost a friend to stubborn pride
And then I lost myself

I love my dog and she loves me
The world's a mess and so are we
She tumbles long green, muddy fields
Sick with joy and glee
And as she dreams sweet puppy dreams
Whimpering gently

There's fresh meat in the club tonight
God bless our dead marines
Someone had an accident above the burning trees
While somewhere distant, peacefully
Our vulgar princes sleep
Dead kids don't get photographed
God bless this century

When the world is sick
Can no one be well?
But I dreamt we was all beautiful and strong
"God Bless Our Dead Marines" by A Silver Mt. Zion