There's so much beauty it could make you cry.
"Robot Lords of Tokyo, SMILE TASTE KITTENS!" - 10001110101 by Clutch
So for those of you who don't know, last Friday was my last day of high school. Ever. Basically, I'll go back for graduation (unfortunately... I don't really wanna go to the ceremony, but my parents want me to, so... meh) and the senior party, and that's it. Oh, and I might do tech for the musical since my schedule finally allows it. Now I'm taking all my classes over at Normandale, which is pretty cool, especially since PSEO pays for everything. Freshman Comp, Intro Philosophy, Graphic Design, and Music Listening, are my classes, in case you were wondering. It's weird, because I thought this would be the coolest thing ever, but the more I think about the fact that I'm done with high school forever, the harder it gets to believe that. I guess growing up scares the hell out of me sometimes. Wait, scratch that, all the time. It's just insane to think that I'm almost a quarter of the way through my life already.
"Someone cut the oxygen and took a message to the king" - Either They Decorated For Christmas Early or They're All Dead by He Is Legend
I've been up since 4:30 this morning, running on four hours of sleep, so maybe that explains a lot of the way I'm feeling. Sleep depravation does weird things to me after a while. I had to take my parents to the airport, because they're on a cruise for the next week. I was going to go home and go back to bed, but instead I drank a pot of coffee and watched Garden State, then went out and sat in the snow, listened to music, and watched the sun rise. I wrote this poem-thing after I went inside because I've had lines for one bouncing around in my head for a couple weeks, but is sucks pretty bad. Basically, it comes down to the fact that I never want to leave this place. I love Minnesota... I mean, I really love everything about this place, and I don't really know why.
"I wish I never held your hand, I wish I never knew your name,
Or I just wish that from the day we met nothing ever, ever changed" - If You Like Me Check Yes, If You Don't I'll Die by Showbread
You know that part in Garden State where Zach Braff's character is talking about home, and how one day your house just doesn't seem like a home anymore and maybe it never will and you need to start a family of your own to get that feeling? I think maybe I'm starting to go through that... either that, or I'm just scared of something like that happening. As much as I complain about my family and everything, I love them all to death, and even though part of me wants to get out of the house and live on my own, another part of me wants to stay here as long as I can.
"Let's take the longest way through the hallways of your mind.
Upon your knees, the phantom breeze of a shipwreck lost in time." - Winners by Deadsy
I hung out with DJ and Elliot today. We played board games and Guillotine all afternoon. It was sweet. Except for that Vegas game, that game sucked. Big time. I need to figure out how to play that One False Step for Mankind game, because it sounds like it might actually require some strategy and real thinking, which is awesome. Not that mindless, dice-rolling, card-drawing is a bad thing, because that's just as awesome, but I can only play the twitch shooters of the tabletop gaming world for so long before I feel the need to play a strategy-type game... that was a terrible metaphor.
"From this oversize aquarium that daddy kept cleanly
To unhealthy degrees
Writing suicide notes with invisible ink
On transparencies
And posting them to the glass boundaries that
Surround the seas of change."
- Mermaids Are Sea Sluts by Sage Francis
Do those lyric quotes get annoying? Here's another:
"Everything I've said to you I will form a spike (to drive through my throat). In order to stop my words, this time I'll put them in the ground along with my memories and my feelings" - 5 Year Winter by Zao.
In other news, I'm going back to Kosovo this summer, which is sweet. More news on that once I get more details on what we're doing and things of that nature.
"Come kiss my face goodbye,
that space below my eye and above my cheek" - Silencer by mewithoutYou.
And holy crap, I need to wrap this up and go do some homework for college tomorrow and get to bed. I promise the next entry won't be as random and depressing, and maybe, just maybe, will be sooner than later. Maybe.
Je leverai les yeux a toi-
J'ai change cent foi de nom
Je leverai les yeux a toi-
Je n'ai pas d'spoir.
- Bullet to Binary by mewithoutYou
So for those of you who don't know, last Friday was my last day of high school. Ever. Basically, I'll go back for graduation (unfortunately... I don't really wanna go to the ceremony, but my parents want me to, so... meh) and the senior party, and that's it. Oh, and I might do tech for the musical since my schedule finally allows it. Now I'm taking all my classes over at Normandale, which is pretty cool, especially since PSEO pays for everything. Freshman Comp, Intro Philosophy, Graphic Design, and Music Listening, are my classes, in case you were wondering. It's weird, because I thought this would be the coolest thing ever, but the more I think about the fact that I'm done with high school forever, the harder it gets to believe that. I guess growing up scares the hell out of me sometimes. Wait, scratch that, all the time. It's just insane to think that I'm almost a quarter of the way through my life already.
"Someone cut the oxygen and took a message to the king" - Either They Decorated For Christmas Early or They're All Dead by He Is Legend
I've been up since 4:30 this morning, running on four hours of sleep, so maybe that explains a lot of the way I'm feeling. Sleep depravation does weird things to me after a while. I had to take my parents to the airport, because they're on a cruise for the next week. I was going to go home and go back to bed, but instead I drank a pot of coffee and watched Garden State, then went out and sat in the snow, listened to music, and watched the sun rise. I wrote this poem-thing after I went inside because I've had lines for one bouncing around in my head for a couple weeks, but is sucks pretty bad. Basically, it comes down to the fact that I never want to leave this place. I love Minnesota... I mean, I really love everything about this place, and I don't really know why.
"I wish I never held your hand, I wish I never knew your name,
Or I just wish that from the day we met nothing ever, ever changed" - If You Like Me Check Yes, If You Don't I'll Die by Showbread
You know that part in Garden State where Zach Braff's character is talking about home, and how one day your house just doesn't seem like a home anymore and maybe it never will and you need to start a family of your own to get that feeling? I think maybe I'm starting to go through that... either that, or I'm just scared of something like that happening. As much as I complain about my family and everything, I love them all to death, and even though part of me wants to get out of the house and live on my own, another part of me wants to stay here as long as I can.
"Let's take the longest way through the hallways of your mind.
Upon your knees, the phantom breeze of a shipwreck lost in time." - Winners by Deadsy
I hung out with DJ and Elliot today. We played board games and Guillotine all afternoon. It was sweet. Except for that Vegas game, that game sucked. Big time. I need to figure out how to play that One False Step for Mankind game, because it sounds like it might actually require some strategy and real thinking, which is awesome. Not that mindless, dice-rolling, card-drawing is a bad thing, because that's just as awesome, but I can only play the twitch shooters of the tabletop gaming world for so long before I feel the need to play a strategy-type game... that was a terrible metaphor.
"From this oversize aquarium that daddy kept cleanly
To unhealthy degrees
Writing suicide notes with invisible ink
On transparencies
And posting them to the glass boundaries that
Surround the seas of change."
- Mermaids Are Sea Sluts by Sage Francis
Do those lyric quotes get annoying? Here's another:
"Everything I've said to you I will form a spike (to drive through my throat). In order to stop my words, this time I'll put them in the ground along with my memories and my feelings" - 5 Year Winter by Zao.
In other news, I'm going back to Kosovo this summer, which is sweet. More news on that once I get more details on what we're doing and things of that nature.
"Come kiss my face goodbye,
that space below my eye and above my cheek" - Silencer by mewithoutYou.
And holy crap, I need to wrap this up and go do some homework for college tomorrow and get to bed. I promise the next entry won't be as random and depressing, and maybe, just maybe, will be sooner than later. Maybe.
Je leverai les yeux a toi-
J'ai change cent foi de nom
Je leverai les yeux a toi-
Je n'ai pas d'spoir.
- Bullet to Binary by mewithoutYou
posted by Ben at 8:22 PM
1 Comments:
Kosovo's president just died recently.
I understand how you feel about the whole bittersweet feeling of living where you are. There's a point where you want to move on, and you anticipate that point, and that anticipation can often fog over your current situation and make you second-guess where you stand today. You just can't be anxious. "Be anxious for nothing."
I like the song quotes; keep 'em up.
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