And I Have Seen the World of Dreams

Wish I could remember
why it mattered to me.
It doesn’t matter to me.
It doesn’t matter to me
anymore.
~"It Ends With a Fall" by Okkervil River

I have been awake since 1:30 yesterday afternoon. It is currently just past 11 PM. That means I have been awake for about 34 and a half hours, which is definitely the longest I have ever stayed awake. I planned on coming home from work today and trying to force myself to stay awake until at least 9:00 so my sleep schedule wasn't totally broken. However, I rarely felt tired throughout the day. I still don't really feel tired. I feel... disconnected, really. Disconnected from basically everything. It's a strange feeling, one that bothers me a little bit. Or at least, would bother me if I could feel bothered by anything. I think if I laid down in bed right now and shut my eyes, I would be asleep within minutes. I'm having no trouble staying awake right now, though, nor am I having any trouble typing this or even figuring out what to type. The words just seem to be flowing out of me, with me thinking them almost after my fingers type them. It's as though my fingers are typing, and there is a slight delay as my eyes read what my fingers have typed and then relay that information to my brain so it can quickly process it. For a while tonight I was actually worried I wouldn't be able to get to sleep again tonight, that I would go through another day without having slept. Now that I feel like I could fall asleep whenever I choose, though, part of me is interested in just how long I could stay up. I sort of think I could make it through tomorrow without a problem if I didn't go to sleep tonight, but then I think about how distant waking up 34 and a half hours ago seems right now, how distant my drive to work this morning seems, how distant playing Wii just an hour ago seems, and I wonder if I could really do it. One of my goals in life is to stay up for a week straight, and I'm strongly tempted to give that a shot right now, though this would probably be a bad time to do it as I have responsibilities (work) to worry about. Another one of my goals is to get on the Uberman sleep schedule, which is basically sleeping for 20 minutes every six hours, leaving you with 22 hours every day in which to be awake. I can't decide if trying that right now would make it easier to slip into that sleep schedule or would end up with disastrous results. I sort of think it might be easier to slip into that sleep schedule in my sleep deprived state, especially if it were true that I could make it through another day or two with no sleep relatively easily. Meh. I'm going to give in and go to sleep now, I think, since any other decision would be pretty stupid at this point. It'll be interesting to come back and read these ramblings in a regular state of mind tomorrow. They make perfect sense to me at the moment, but I wonder if I'm in some sort of altered state that will make this seem weird or nonsensical to the normal mind. It's true that you go crazy after a week or so of not sleeping, right? But isn't it also true that after not sleeping for a week, you feel no desire whatsoever to go back to sleep? Or are both urban legends?

Little needles of sodium unstitch the seams of the sky
~"The Velocity of Saul at the Time of His Conversion" by Okkervil River
I have some kind of beautiful obsession with those words, and I'm not really sure why. It seems like something out of a peaceful nightmare.